A New Perspective

Client Experience

Recently, I was talking with a client about her 3-year-old son. He gave up his afternoon nap about three months ago. They have been struggling with temper tantrums and meltdowns since. She knew her son was exhausted, but he absolutely refused to take a nap. I wanted to find out, on average, about how many hours of sleep he was getting at night. She explained that he was going to bed around 9 or 10. As a family, they all just got ready for bed around the same time rather than having an earlier bedtime for him. She also had complaints that he would wake up pretty early every morning between 5 or 6. I immediately understood the temper tantrums and meltdowns. Her son was beyond exhausted; he was sleep-deprived.

According to healthychildren.org, a website by the American Academy of Pediatrics, children who are 3 to 5-years-old need between 10 and 13 hours of sleep each day. If a child is still napping, the duration would be subtracted from the 10-13 hours. However, this little guy was not. So, I knew he was getting very little sleep compared to what he needed. When I explained this to my client, she didn’t understand how this meant he was sleep-deprived. “He’s getting 8 or 9 hours of sleep every night. That’s pretty close.” I knew I had to bring a different perspective of how tired this child was to help his mom understand how important even those couple of hours were. I decided to do a little exercise.

A Little Exercise

On average, an adult should be sleeping about 7-9 hours every night. I decided to take an average of 8 hours for this exercise. My client’s son needed 10 to 13 hours of sleep every night, but for ease, I chose to use 12 hours. He was only getting sometimes as low as 8 hours of sleep each night. That’s about 67% of the total amount of sleep he should have been getting. I asked my client if she could survive on 67% of the amount of sleep she should be getting (that’s just under 5.5 hours of sleep each night). She, of course, said some days she does get that little sleep, and it is difficult to function. Her son is 3. He is still learning, developing, and growing. So, he needs all the rest he can get to help with that!

We decided to start getting him to bed earlier every night. At first, my client was very apprehensive about this. She told me she would rather he sleep later in the morning. She asked if it were possible to put him to bed at 9 PM and not wake until 9 AM. I understood her desire to have him sleep in a bit because it gave her more time in the morning. However, not only is it imperative that our children are getting the right amount of sleep, but it is equally important that they are sleeping at the right time.

Sure, we could have tried to keep him on a 9-9 schedule, but the reality was that he was already going to bed at 9 PM and waking at 5 or 6 AM. We are more capable of controlling an earlier bedtime than a later wake time. Another factor that I wanted my client to consider was her son’s circadian rhythm. Biologically, this late bedtime was not working for him. There was some push back here because her son was so excitable and hyperactive in the evening. My client did not understand how she would ever be able to get him to bed before 9 PM because he had so much energy in the evenings.

A Common Situation

This kind of situation is all too common. A child stays up late because the parents believe that they will never go to bed early due to high energy levels. In reality, this hyperactivity and increased energy is not the result of true built-up energy, but rather the result of a second wind caused by increased levels of cortisol in the child’s body. Yes, you read that right, cortisol, the stress hormone. Cortisol will not only make it difficult for a child to fall asleep, but it will also make it difficult for a child to stay asleep. In the case of my client, her son was hitting that second wind, getting increased levels of cortisol, fighting sleep, and then waking up early. All of this because his bedtime was too late.

I challenged my client to bring the bedtime much earlier. She had some skepticism, but she agreed to try it. Within a week or so, her son was getting the sleep he needed, and she was seeing the positive results of a well-rested child. She was no longer skeptical of the early bedtime, and she sings its praises regularly.

It is important to remember that sleep begets sleep. Be sure your child is getting the right amount of sleep, and they are sleeping at the best biological time. If you are wondering how much sleep your child should be getting, check out the healthychildren.org website. Not only is there a plethora of sleep information, but there is a wealth of beneficial information about children in general!