Can You Bring Back the Toddler Nap?
A funny thing happened about a month ago. I, Sleep Consultant Tracy Melson, cried over my own son’s sleep. Yep. I admit it. I am certified in the field of pediatric sleep consulting and I still managed to have a son with sleep difficulties.
Here is what I have learned
Every kid has sleep difficulties, sleep consultant’s kid or not.
Every kid has different sleep needs for different stages and seasons.
I am not a failure as a mom.
I am not a failure as a sleep consultant.
This is normal.
Now, that could simply be the end of this blog, but what fun is that? It is much more amusing and also helpful, I guess if I share the details of my woes this week with you! Right?
My Story
My son just turned 4 last month. From the point that we did the sleep training thing at 10 months to about this time last year, sleep was a thing for my son and it was good, really good. Then, out of nowhere, things just fell apart. Mostly naps, but bedtime was also just exhausting. He would go to “school” (a preschool program) 3 days a week and would nap NONE of them.
I would pick him up and they’d say “he didn’t nap today,” and I knew we were in for a roller coaster of an evening. He was the kind of kid that needed his nap or the world was going to know he wasn’t happy. A macaroni could fall off this kid’s fork at dinner and if he had a nap he wouldn’t care, but if he was napless, plates would go flying like frisbees in the park.
On the days he stayed home with me, he would nap with minimal fighting, if any at all. So, I just continued on with early bedtimes on the days he was at school and a normal schedule on days that he was home.
Eventually, we moved and he started going to Pre-K for a half day. So, he was always home just in time for lunch and nappy-nappy time. Life was good, again.
That was until about a month before his 4th birthday. I remember so well because we traveled and he didn’t nap while we visited family. Too much FOMO, too many sweets, and too little give a crap from Mom (there, I said it). Not to mention the enormous amount of attention he was getting from everyone in the family. They all respected our sleep schedule but naps were hard to get out of him and he crashed to sleep at night. So, I just planned to jump right back into our schedule as soon as we were home. Sound familiar? If not, check out this blog.
Well, we got home and things worked for a day or two. However, my son really listens when I am doing my sleep consulting thing and he must have heard the words “quiet time” at some point because now he was asking for “quiet time” instead of a nap. I figured we were getting super close to the 4-year-old mark, so why not try it? We did.
Quiet time worked for a little while, maybe a few weeks. Then, the Christmas holiday happened, and quiet time went sideways. This is all part of me trying to juggle life between being a Sleep Consultant and a Mom, but not just any Mom, a FUN Mom. So, I gave in to movie time during quiet time, play time during quiet time, and family time during quiet time. I want to note here that at this time I was not regretful at all about my decision to forego quiet time. But oh, the foreshadowing you can read into this story.
If you’re wondering why I’m going on and on about my son’s slow transition from napper to quiet-timer to up all day-er, just stick with me. OK? I promise it’ll be worth it. I’m just setting the scene.
Life was going back to normal after our holiday break, and that meant my little guy needed to go back to doing quiet time, it was rough. Rough, honestly, doesn’t even describe it. There were so many tears, screaming, fighting, throwing of beloved toys, throwing of not-so-beloved toys, unplugging of monitor cameras, destruction of perfectly made beds, books flying, and fits thrown. He was not only upset that he was being “forced” to take quiet time, but he was also mad about early bedtimes, and he was extremely overtired. This is when that regret I mentioned earlier finally set in. Ugh.
I want to add here that even when my son was doing quiet time (the right way) we were bringing bedtime 30-45 minutes earlier on the days that we could. But now we were in over our heads and something had to change.
I put my sleep consultant hat on (because what else was I going to do?), and I started to think. I realized I needed to be honest with myself, and my son. I knew he was not only needing quiet time; he needed nap time again. But how in the world was I going to tell him that? How was I going to make that happen? He hadn’t napped in 2 months, and before that, it was hit or miss!
I made a plan. My husband and I talked it over and decided that we would just be very clear about what was expected of our son, and why we were expecting it. Then, we sat down with him and discussed the new plan going forward. We explained to him that he was making a lot of “red choices” (a tool his school uses to teach children how to understand good vs bad choices), and we felt like he was doing so because he was so tired. We explained that when we are tired, we aren’t the best at behaving as we should and we aren’t the best at controlling ourselves. I know he halfway understood what I was saying because he came back with “I know I’m not very good at riding my bike when I am tired.” Noted.
We explained to our son that he was going to start taking naps again. The tears ensued like a dam breaking. He got upset and kept telling us that he didn’t want to nap and that he just wanted to stay with us. But we all knew he was crying and upset because he knew we were right. He needed a nap. He was exhausted, and he eventually admitted to being tired.
We started to reimplement nap time. He did fairly well the first few days. Some were harder than others. We saw a lot of stalling with eating lunch, but we just pushed right through with a strict time limit.
We’ve used the bike as a way to get him to go down for nap time. “Hey buddy, you want to ride bikes this afternoon, right? Well, you have to rest your body so you have lots of energy to ride your bike! So, let’s take a nap!” This worked most of the time.
He’s finally napping again and waking refreshed. Our evenings as a family are enjoyable again. There are fewer tears, screaming, and fighting. There is no more throwing of beloved toys, throwing of not-so-beloved toys, or unplugging of monitor cameras. He is no longer destroying perfectly made beds. Books aren’t flying, and fits aren’t being thrown. We have returned to homeostasis, for now.
I just wanted to give you a personal story before I got into the nitty-gritty here. And that nitty gritty is that even if your toddler has dropped the nap, you can very well bring it back to life. In fact, as your toddler develops, hits milestones, and grows they may actually benefit from bringing back a consistent and regular nap time!
What You Need to Know to Bring Back the Nap
How do you know that your non-napping toddler could start using a nap again? Well, here are a few signs to look for, and it doesn’t have to be all of them.
After lunchtime, they may start to slow down and even get relaxed for a bit. But this doesn’t last very long, so, it will be easy to miss. After this glimpse of quietness, they will catch a second wind and then seem to not be able to settle down or sit still.
By mid-afternoon, everything might upset them almost to tears or anger. You’ll find yourself resorting to bribery or begging to get them to just be happy for 5 more minutes.
Dinner time might be very difficult to get through. Your toddler may not have the ability to sit still and may fight the idea of eating in favor of getting up and running around.
Also, dinner time may be difficult simply because they will refuse to eat at all, especially if they have filled their afternoon with snacks in an attempt to stay awake.
They may fight bath time because they know that bedtime is just around the corner.
They might run to avoid getting pjs on.
Getting them to actually go into their room may become an Olympic sport because they’ve become a martial arts master overnight and will fight you every step of the way.
After finally tucking them in, just when you think things are going well, they may start asking 21 questions or telling you every little thing that comes to mind, just to stall actually going to sleep.
They may be more active in their sleep at night and even start to have nighttime wakings repeatedly (not just potty breaks).
They may start waking earlier in the morning ready to party and go!
If you’ve seen a bit of my content, you know what those bullet points above tell me about your toddler. They are overtired. How do we fix overtiredness? Sleep of course! So, we take a look at their overall schedule and add back the nap if we realize they need it!
But how do we actually bring the nap back? We want to make sure they are being given an opportunity to nap at the same time everyday (+/-15 or so minutes). Nap time for a toddler is ideal at around 12:30 PM shortly after lunch. Speaking of lunch, consider offering foods that promote sleep like chicken, turkey, spinach, oatmeal, cherries, and bananas. Once they are done, use a mini version of your bedtime routine to create a nap time routine. Be sure you are doing this routine in generally the same way and same order every single day. For example, after lunch you may take them to the bathroom to wash their face and have one last potty break. Go to their room, read a book, sing a relaxing song, and tuck them into bed. Tell them “night-night” and give them the opportunity to fall asleep on their own.
Of course they are going to protest this. Do your best to give them 10-15 minutes at a time to go to sleep before going in. If you must go in, don’t give up, just soothe them for about and minute, remind them that they should be taking a nap, tell them “night-night'“ and leave the room again. If they are coming out of their room, simply and silently return them to their room and remind them it is time to nap. Continue this for 60-90 minutes to give them plenty of opportunity to nap. If they nap, great! If they don’t, bring bedtime earlier by 30 minutes to an hour. Just don’t tell them it’s earlier.
The nap will not come back with just one or two days of trying. It took me, a sleep expert, several days of monotonous and repetitive work to get my son to bring back the nap. Stay positive, and be consistent. It’ll happen with time and consistency!
Keep in mind that somewhere between 3 and 5 years old, your child will ditch the nap altogether, but you’ll know it’s the right time because they will handle their days without naps like a breeze. However, if you’ve ditched the nap and you read that list above and thought to yourself “this sounds oddly familiar,” then you should consider bringing nap time back. It may be easier than you think, and you’ll benefit more than you can imagine.
This is just my story, but I know many people who have taken this same course of action and never looked back. Of course, there will come a time when too much daytime sleep can negatively affect nighttime sleep. If that occurs, you can cap the nap or drop the nap, again. The key here is to do your best to be in tune with your child and their sleep needs.
Not sure if your toddler would benefit from bringing back the nap? Click below to go to my Contact Me page where you can choose to book an Evaluation Call or email me! I’m happy to talk it over with you.
